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Seeing Red   This new paint job appeared suddenly at the corner of Main Street and Connell Street. The striking effect is achieved by the clever combination of an outdated revolutionary colour combined with a brush stroke technique that can only be described as: "Sparse, but willing". If this new trend catches on Limavady will soon look like a very cheap but colourful patchwork quilt.

The 22 Brand New Steps   We are happy to report that the new steps leading into the Martello Tower are a magnificently sturdy example of human ingenuity. It'll take at least 20 years to rust yon lot away! Work on the tower is continuing. Currently a few builders are busy re-pointing the structure. We are not sure what arrangements will be made to access the building in the future, but hope that the key will be stored somewhere local and not in the Magilligan Field Centre.

Daylight Robbery in Limavady Pub The Roebuck Inn was robbed on Sunday the 12th. A man entered the place at High Noon and fired two shots. The ammunition was either magical or blanks, because no bullet holes were found. The robber stole some money and must have forgotten that he was in Limavady, because he ran straight out onto Main Street. Predictably he was nearly knocked down by a passing car. This made him realise where he was, because he escaped by driving against the flow of the one way traffic system.

Back to School Around this time of the year signs like the two shown on the left and right appear all over town. As all the students and parents know that the schools will soon open their doors again, one might well wonder why so much attention is drawn to this fact. After much research we have come up with the following reasons: The schools in town have forgotten that a new academic year is about to start and need reminding. All the shops in town hope to sell uniforms and stationery to relieved parents. It will annoy local teachers and lecturers, and they don't deserve those long holidays anyway! The latter reason is possibly true. Here is an interview with an outstanding example of the breed: "Mr Lueg, tell me. What do you make of all these silly signs?" "They used to annoy the hell out of me, but now that I'm retired, I rather looked forward to them. There should really be many more."

The same academic expert also said: "The fifty lines above should really have been": I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E I must spell value with an E

Plane crash outside Limavady In another world exclusive, the News Browser publishes the first picture of a micro light aircraft after it crashed into a field near the Bolea Road, not far from the Drumalief Road crossing. The pilot and one passenger were lucky to escape with multiple fractures and they are now recovering in Altnagelvin hospital. The cause of the accident is not known, but one local expert suggested engine failure and stall during the emergency landing.

The Folk Festival The list of sponsors of this famous festival suggests that it is more of a pub-crawl than anything else, but today Market Street was teeming with people enjoying various entertainments laid on for them. There were various inflated plastic crowd pullers as well as body painters and even a live folk group. The latter consisted of four rather good singers. Unfortunately they seem to have been the victim of a hoaxer who told them that Limavady was populated entirely by deaf people. Hence the sound balance of their performance could best be appreciated on mount Benevenagh, looming several miles away on the horizon.

Some people made their own folksy music at a much more natural volume and others just looked around themselves and enjoyed the craic. One shop keeper remarked:"I haven't seen so many people in Market Street for years. But why are they all out there? Why aren't they in here buying things?"

Newshound in high speed collision with pillar While engaged in a staff football game, the head of our newshound Tudor collided with a marble dashed pillar and the over enthusiastic collie had to leave the game due to injury problems. Allthough the pillar is perfectly safe, we would like to assure Tudor's world wide fan club that Michael Forgie, local vet and expert marble dash remover, expects him to make a full recovery. When asked what it felt like, our canine reporter could only groan: "Rough."

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